by Jot Chahal
Long ago, I loved someone very deeply and truly. I know it was for real because I love her and still, she stays in my heart. Not a single day passes by when I don't think about her. Sometimes in morning, other days in the night, while commuting. Sometimes I wake up at midnight and find it hard to go back to sleep as "it was her" in the dreams. I dream about how she comes back and talks to me saying we'll never fight again and we'll stay together (In the dreams only). I know she is gone and I have accepted it deep down that she's never going to come back. Indeed! I have.
If you ask me honestly, I don't want her to come back now. She was happy without me and I hope she stays the same forever. With whomever she is, I don't care as long she is happy, I am happy for her.
She never told me why she was leaving me. I asked her so many times, every time to hear a new lie, an excuse, a fake reason for separation.
We both knew what she was doing. She was putting every blame on me, so she could have a good sleep at night. A guilt-free soul is what we all want. Don't we?
She talked about this with her friends and family a lot, I guess. Her words did not seem to be her’s. At last, I stopped asking. I learned the point that nobody who is going to leave you can make a smooth exit (if you love her, it will always hurt). I started feeling like nothing. She always pretended like she was super busy whenever I wanted to talk to her, next moment she would be using WhatsApp or chatting with her friends. I felt like I had lost my self-respect. I bet you also feel the same.
I did it all; loved her, cared about her, got angry, felt sorry, and even begged her; for my love was blind and she didn't get that how hard I was trying. Every day I woke up motivated that today I'll talk to her and she'll come back. I saw it all fail, every day. I was broken. An old friend of mine supported me a lot through this. I'll always be grateful for that. Find a friend who does understand you.
How did I get out of it:
- Removed every possible way I could connect with her.
- I deleted her photos, her number, unfriended her on social networking sites.
- Changed my friend circle.
- I changed my city.
- Started focusing on my studies and my career.
- Started being indifferent to people and their problems.
- I learned my lesson. And promised never to repeat it. I lost almost one year of my life doing all this, but it was always worth trying.
Why she left:
Reasons:
- She might have got bored of me.
- She loved somebody else may be.
- She only cared about money may be.
- She wanted to be alone as she told me multiple times. (Which is hard to believe.)
- Once she said, she's doing it for me. Maybe she really did. (Funny and Even harder to believe.)
I am not sure about the reasons, but one thing I am sure about is "Betrayal oozes out of every single pore of every human. He who has the eyes to see and the ears to listen does know it. If her lips are silent her eyes will say things and if her eyes are shut then her fingers will convey the same. Just try and see the obvious."
Don't believe in anyone. If life has forced you to learn the lesson, learn it well.
Why do we suffer:
There is no shortcut. The suffering is inevitable.
It's a path, you have to go through it.
You have to burn, turn down to ashes, collect your wits and recreate your own pitch, reincarnate and shine like a diamond.
If you try to skip it using any means, It will come back. Just go through it and I promise this will never bother you again.
The real cause of suffering is the belief that she is mine, my girl, my beloved, she cannot belong to anybody else. I can fix all the problems, I can undo all the wrongs. My love is special. My girl is special.
Guess what! It's not. She is just another girl like other millions in this world. She has nothing which other girls don't have. It's just that you are blinded by your love for her.
If she is the best and others are not , then how come other couples are happy? Just agree to the fact that it's you who made her special. Let go of your ego. Maybe she was yours once but now she is not. She has her own life and she can do whatever she wants to do with that.
If you really love her. Think about her, her eyes, her hair, her chin, the good times you spent. The way she said she loved you and the good in her. And remember she deserves to be happy however bad she seems to be right now and similarly You DESERVE to be happy. Find your happiness, do whatever you like to do. THERE IS NOTHING GOOD OR BAD. Be happy, by whatever means you can be. Break the chains, she left you shackled into.
Thanks!
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